Stand Still So We Can Pick You Up!
by FairyLights101
Summary: Levi shouldn't like those pickup lines so much. Especially not when they're coming from the two hottest guys in school. Ones that happen to be dating. And attempting to hook up with him. Weird? Suspicious? Definitely.


**Eruriren Week Day 3: Persistence  
It's only hella late. This can be found on AO3 under fairylights101 as well.**

* * *

Levi hadn't expected Erwin Smith, the hottest guy - not to mention band geek - in the entire school and boyfriend to Eren Yeager to come up to him one day before their first period class, Art II, started. And he certainly hadn't expected the words that passed those thin, delectable-looking lips: "You know, musicians have great rhythm."

Mismatched eyes fluttered in confusion, then disbelief as he stared at the man who might as well have been carved by the gods. "... Did you just use a music pick up line on me?"

Erwin grinned as he shrugged, brilliant blue eyes sparkling with amusement as he leaned on Levi's desk, chin propped up on his hand. "Perhaps. Did that bother you?"

Despite the instincts that screamed to say yes, just for the sake of making it seem like he wasn't even remotely interested in the gorgeous blonde - and his boyfriend - Levi shook his head. "I'm just surprised you could come up with a line that wasn't _total_ shit. Is that how you managed to get Yeager? Hitting on another guy while in a relationship with another by using music pick up lines?" It was cruel to say that, but Levi was _not_ interested in fucking up relationships. Not with the hell it would bring down on him, not only because of Eren's adopted sister, but also the little squad of friends that he had around him. And the fact that half the school would inadvertently hate and ostracise him didn't make it any more appealing.

Erwin's smile weakened, but he shook his head. "I have never cheated on a person, nor would I. Eren seems to like you. So do I. So…" The blonde shrugged helplessly with a soft smile. "I might as well try to arrange a little something."

Levi stared at the blonde in disbelief, completely uncomprehending of the words that had just passed his lips. Erwin chuckled and ruffled his hair, something he normally would have swatted the offending hand for. This time, he merely sat, frozen with disbelief as Erwin's mouth moved, forming a goodbye he half-heard before he rose to head to his own seat on the other side of the classroom.

_What. The. Fuck_.

* * *

"Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes."

_Oh my gods_. That smooth, rich voice was familiar - mainly from those stupid Vines that Eren insisted on uploading of himself and his friends, especially Erwin. Those stupid Vines that Levi _definitely_ didn't watch religiously, a faithful, if hopefully anonymous, follower, just one of the many in the cult surrounding the Yeager-Smith account. "Please tell me you're kidding."

Eren grinned as he leaned across the library table, his sea-green and gold-flecked eyes delving into Levi's mismatched gray-and-blue ones. "Actually, no. They're really unique. Not to mention _pretty_. I can't decide whether I like the blue or the gray better. Oh hell, I'll be honest: I like them both."

Levi's eyes rolled as he leaned back and shut his Physics book with a heavy thud. That certainly added to the appearance of being irritated, though he was the exact opposite: heart racing, lungs not quite cooperating, a blush threatening to overtake his face. _I'm so glad I have perpetual resting bitchface_. "Your pickup lines are just as bad as your boyfriend's."

Somehow, that bold, brash grin plastered across Eren's face only managed to grow wider, revealing an impossible expanse of straight, pearly white teeth. "Oh c'mon, they can't be _that_ bad! I made sure this one wasn't some trite one that everyone uses, like 'Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?' That one just got old _ages_ ago. I'm sure you haven't heard that one before!"

"Well… no. Mainly because most sane people don't hit on me."

That dumb, beautiful brunette smirked as he rose and raked a hand through his messy brown hair. Levi had to clench his hands atop his book to resist jerking him down to run his fingers through his silky chestnut tresses. _That bastard_. "Well Levi, maybe _they_ are the crazy ones for not trying. I mean, you have a nice set of buns. Was your father a baker?"

"... Seriously?"

Eren slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the laughter bubbling up. Even so, several students sent curious looks and glares their way.

"Shoo, go away you annoying shit-for-brains. Some of us are actually _trying_ to study."

The brunette shrugged and pulled back, a coy smile tugging at his lips, a seductive tilt to his head. "Fine, fine. Have it your way. But don't think that this is the end, Levi Ackerman. Because I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart."

Levi groaned as Eren grinned one last time before he whipped around and sauntered away, hips swaying in a way that shouldn't have been remotely legal. Mismatched orbs tracked him as he crossed the library and sank down beside a familiar blonde head. The owner of that head glanced up, blue eyes immediately locking onto Levi. A broad hand rose in a wave. Levi immediately jerked his book open and reburied his nose into it, fighting down a stupid blush. _Those fucking persistent idiots_.

* * *

Erwin was perched on his desk when Levi walked into their classroom. He almost turned around and walked back out, even if it meant skipping the rest of the class. But he continued forward, dropped his bag at his desk, and sank into his seat without saying a word to Erwin. _Let him speak first. I'm too tired to bother_. "Feeling alright?"

Mismatched eyes flicked up to see that perfectly chiseled face tilted toward him, those beautiful blue orbs glittering with concern. Levi shrugged as he leaned against the wall. It was a surprisingly comfy position, mostly because of the early morning sunlight that fell across his back. "People are assholes. I'm tired. Same old shit. It's fine."

The blonde teen stared at him for a few quiet moments. "Who are they?" And gods, Erwin had never sounded so fucking terrifying, completely going against his usual sweet, kind demeanor and the easy-going smiles he always wore.

_Fuck, that shouldn't turn me on_.

"It doesn't matter," Levi grumbled as he leaned back. "I'm surprised you don't have another shitty pickup line. Or have you already used em all up?" Two weeks, at least fifty of those cheesy-ass lines from both. He might have insisted they were irritating to their faces, but he couldn't deny the warmth that spread through his chest with every dumb line they used. It was strange how much he genuinely enjoyed hearing them - though the chances of admitting that were slim to none.

Erwin smiled, another easy quirk of his lips. It didn't match his eyes, distracted and agitated, but that didn't stop Erwin from spouting off another ridiculous pick up line. "I bet we'd get into some serious Treble together."

Levi groaned and pressed his palm over his eyes as he leaned back. It definitely wasn't to help hide the faint burn in his cheeks. "Holy shit, they get worse with every fucking one you say. Find some halfway decent ones at least."

When he peeked through the cracks in his fingers, Erwin was grinning. "You love them, cheesy or not. But I'll find some good ones for you, just you wait."

* * *

"_This is to a special someone who hopefully secretly enjoys the pickup lines we're always dropping: 'Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.'"_

"On. A. Fucking. Vine. You two are fucking nuts…" Levi shook his head as he threw his phone down beside him on the bed. In the sanctum of his own home, he didn't have to hide the damnable blush that rose up in response to Eren's video. He fought it back anyway, though he couldn't stop the tips of his ears from burning with a vengeance for so many blushes held back over the last few weeks.

Thankfully, it wasn't so bad, especially when he was alone and not seeing Eren say those words face-to-face, though that was only because Eren had been suspended. His charge was getting into a fight - with the same assholes who had been attacking Levi just a few days before with cruel words and taunts. _Suspicious to say the least. That dumbass_. Especially when there was a bruise visible across his cheek and his knuckles were split and scraped, still raw from where he had punched the other two males senseless.

"You're lucky you weren't fucking expelled, you moron." He had no clue how Eren had managed to worm his way out of that one, but he had. So instead of expulsion, he only have a three-day suspension. Something that obviously wasn't going to deter him from using shitty pick up lines on Levi, through Vine or not. _I should have made a less obvious username. Something that wasn't 'Ackerman_Slayer.'_ But he had gone and fucked up, so there was nothing left to do but sit and rewatch the little video doubtlessly meant for him. Even if at least thirty-thousand other people saw it.

* * *

A tall, lanky body slid into the seat next to his at the computers. An elbow settled on the wood of the tabletop as Eren leaned toward him, a bold smirk plastered across his dumb, gorgeous face. Silver and blue eyes flicked up for a moment as his fingers continued to fly across the keys, tapping out several more sentences before he stopped and glanced up at Eren. "What do you want now? Here to deliver more shitty pickup lines that are better suited for a toilet bowl?"

That grin grew impossibly wide, flashing perfect white teeth. "C'mon Levi, the three of us know you like them. Otherwise you would've kicked our asses a long time ago!"

"Oh shut the hell up."

His laugh was quiet, but it still sent a swarm of butterflies crashing through Levi's stomach at the light, easy sound that never failed to draw his eyes, be it in the classroom, the lunchroom, or even now. Thankfully, he managed to glare at the brunette, nails tapping at the wooden tabletop with mock impatience. It was a good cover to hide what he wanted to say: _Don't go. Don't leave. Stay. Bring Erwin over here. Both of you, tell me your shitty pickup lines and make me fall for you even more_.

Slim fingers raked through long, dark chestnut hair as Eren leaned a little closer, the scent of pine and rain teasing Levi's nose. He'd never been close enough to smell Eren's cologne, not like he had with Erwin's. Where the blonde's was spicy and sharp, though still faint, Eren's was musky and simple. And both were absurdly intoxicating, scents that he wouldn't have minded burying his face into shirts just to get a whiff of. "If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber."

"... Dear gods, Eren… I'm glad I didn't have any hopes that you'd have a halfway decent one today."

The green-eyed teen grinned as he kicked Levi's chair gently, no feelings of malice or anger in it. Just that teasing little glint in those oceanic eyes, that lilt to his lips. "Sorry. I had trouble thinking of some. I mean, I've been feeling a little off today, but you definitely turned me on."

Mismatched eyes closed as Levi sucked in a deep, calming breath. _Nope. That definitely wasn't cute or seductive and I _definitely_ don't want to jump into his and Erwin's pants. Totally don't._ "You're an idiot."

"Ah, but you love it!"

"Get the fuck out of here, you shitty brat."

Warm fingers traced across his wrist, sending chills racing up Levi's spine as Eren rose, pulling those warm fingers away far too soon.. "Fine. But I'll be back. And so will Erwin. We'll get through to you one of these days."

_As if I'd ever let you._

* * *

For three months, Erwin and Eren had approached him, each bearing some new corny, cheesy, weird-ass pickup line, all of them different. And damn, did they make Levi's chest ache. Every time he heard those dumb words pass their lips, he had to bite his cheek and fight to keep a level expression. But for the last two days, he had gotten silence in the place of three or four whimsical pickup lines a day. _It's nothing. They probably lost interest. Or more likely, it was a joke. Pick on the outcast. Fuck this school. Fuck their sick humor_.

Levi's heel smacked the brick wall of the roof that his legs dangled over. It was a calm place, quiet. Somewhere he retreated to for his lunch period. People rarely came up, and even then it was just the smokers or the kids who wanted a quick fuck somewhere other than a broom closet or an empty classroom. So he came up nearly every lunch period - the ones where he hadn't bothered to pack a lunch or couldn't afford to toss money at the cafeteria staff just so he could get a tray of food that tasted like sshit nine out of ten times. His heel hit the bricks again, softer this time. _Fuck it. It doesn't matter. They were irritating anyway. I'm glad they've stopped bothering me._ It hurt just to think that. To force himself to try and believe that all those lines, those coy, discreet touches on their part had been a lie. Unfortunately, it was something too likely to deny though.

A loud creak caught his attention, but he didn't bother twisting around to look. It was probably just another nicotine junkie aching for a fix that couldn't wait until the end of the day. Silver and sapphire eyes raked across the schoolyard below, watching the students mill about. Their words were lost to the wind and height, not that it mattered. Their conversations were dull and meaningless anyway, full of things he didn't give a damn about.

Something brushed against one shoulder, then the other. Levi glanced up as a tall, muscular blonde and a brunette nearly as tall but thinner sank down on either side of him, their shoulders just barely brushing. "Hey," Erwin murmured as he leaned against the fence running along the roof, sky blue eyes positively piercing as they stared at each other. Levi glanced over and immediately met those warm green-gold eyes, nearly as bright as the smile he wore beneath them.

"What the fuck do you two want?"

"Well Levi, if you'll be the conductor, I'll be the fermata. You can hold me as long as you'd like."

He didn't bother to hide his stare or the faint heat that had started to creep into his cheeks. All thoughts of escaping or pushing them away or simply acting like he didn't give a damn immediately went out the window as warm, lithe fingers cupped his chin, turning it back to Eren. "You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall is in love with me."

Cool, smooth lips brushed against his ear as he stared at Eren, wide-eyed. He'd long since gone stiff, too startled to do much other than strain to hear their words over the blood rushing through his skull. "Mind if I practice my double-tonguing on you?"

Eren leaned in close, the scent of peppermint washing over Levi. "Let's commit the perfect crime: I'll steal your heart and you'll steal mine."

"Do you believe in love at first sight…"

"Or should we walk by again?"

Levi's face abruptly jerked back to neutral. The small teen shoved Eren away, pushed Erwin back, and rose. Fists were tight, teeth were clenched, but his face was impassive as ever. _Thank you, resting bitch face_. "Very amusing, shit lords. I hope you guys get the money you've been bet so you can stop fucking harassing me. Now if you're done, I'd like to fucking finish this time as I was: _alone_."

Two pairs of startled eyes stared at Levi, bewilderment spreading across their faces in tandem. Erwin spoke first as he slowly rose, hands held out. "Levi, I don't know what you're thinking, but we were being honest. There's no bet, if that's what you believe is going on. Eren and I genuinely like you. Really, we do."

"Yeah!" Eren leapt up, those stupid eyes of his wide and dripping with innocence and honesty. "We'd never pull an asshole maneuver like that! Not with someone we've fallen…" The brunette glanced up at Erwin, mouth half-open, uncertainly plainer than day on his face. Levi didn't need the blonde to fill in the gaps, to finish saying what Eren had started. _They've gotta be lying_.

"Eren's right. We would never do that. Not to someone we genuinely like. Adore, if you will. Levi, our advances and intentions were honest - Eren and I like you. If you'd be willing, we would like to have a relationship with you. If not, that is perfectly fine and we apologize for harassing you."

Cool mismatched eyes stared hard at the two boyfriends for a moment, studying, analyzing. Not that he could have seen any deception - well, not on Erwin at least. Eren was too open, everything he thought and felt out there for the world to see. "... You two are total shits." Pale fingers pressed to his forehead as his head and shoulders shook with silent laughter and confusion. "Christ… I don't… Fuck, _yes_."

And he'd never been happier than when two mouths brushed his cheeks with the softest - only only - kisses he'd ever received. "I'm glad you said yes…"


End file.
